iBlog

In thinking of ways to make good on my promise to tell everyone I know about how I'm managing to avoid being eaten by bears, my creativity couldn't muster anything more than this blog. That's right, I'm now keeping a web log. I, like 156 million other individuals, feel that my thoughts are more interesting than the average Joe's, and have decided that it's time the world listen up to what I have to say! I even spent a good part of my evening making sure that my blog page looks better than other inferior blog pages - no doubt the product of the inferior dedication and brainpower of my fellow bloggers. Look out, internet. There's a new kid on the block, and he's got a BigWheel.

Of course, I'm full of more hot air than about 149 million of those other guys, who may or may not be taking this as seriously as I'm going to pretend to be. So here's the deal: I will report on the various random thoughts that race through my head (oftentimes at such speed that I really have no idea as to their composition, but am just left with a general impression of blurred color and dusty eyes), and you will read. It's quite simple, really. I write; you read; and I don't come find you and read it out loud to you. As a man blessed with the speaking skills of an oyster, I beg you: this is the only way I can effectively communicate.

On that note, I'd like to explain just what the heck is going on here...

As you may or may not know, I'm spending this summer in Yellowstone National Park. They even offered to pay me a little bit - provided, of course, I actually go to work and do my duty. Yes, a summer job in Yellowstone. I wish I could say that the application process was rigorous; including many strenuous physical challenges, an IQ test, a beauty pageant, and a talent show. I wish I could say that, of millions of highly qualified and handsome applicants, I was chosen first. But in actuality, all they really wanted to know was if my lungs processed oxygen and if I could spell my name correctly. (Seriously, the application was almost that easy, and I'd recommend that anyone give it a try: http://www.yellowstonejobs.com/) But who am I to complain? I got the job, and I didn't even have to embarrass myself by performing strenuous physical challenges, an IQ test, a beauty pageant, and a talent show. All of this happened towards the end of last year, so you can imagine how much hair I was tearing out in anticipation for the school year to come to a close. Finally, though, it did, and interestingly it did so in the presence of more hair than perhaps I have ever known. But that's a different story entirely, and if you're really interested I will reluctantly share it with you. Anyway, I arrived in Bozeman, Montana on Wednesday, walked around town, found my life's calling, stayed in a motel for serial killers, and took a Thursday morning bus into Yellowstone having absolutely no idea what was in store for me... And that's where we are now.

The purpose for this blog, then, is simply for me to record my thoughts and experiences as I think and experience them. It's a way to let everyone back home (Mom) know how I'm getting along without them. Also, selfishly, it is a personal memoir - which will no doubt suck - that I hope to be able to look back on and remember just how retarded I was in my youth.

So take it however you choose. Read it, disregard it, fall in love with it, fall in love with me (ladies), print it out and burn it, satirize it, discuss it, forget it. Whatever. It's up to you, because my thoughts are now public domain... But hey, I guess that's why iBlog.